Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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