You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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