Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
