Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
