I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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