We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
