I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
