What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
