I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
