I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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