I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
