my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
