Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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