my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
