I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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