i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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