Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
