I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize