The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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