I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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