do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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