The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
