Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
