Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize