I'm eating all of the evidence.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i drank out of a bidet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
