There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
