This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize