Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
