Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
