My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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