i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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