I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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