he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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