oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just had sex bonerless
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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