I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
