Banned from zoo.
Again?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
