I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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