so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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