At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize