Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
