I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
