oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
As shirtless as possible
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
