He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize