Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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