He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
