if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
