i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i drank out of a bidet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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