Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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