My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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