you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
