he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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