They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
