Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
