Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
