I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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