Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
