But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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