if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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