I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
