Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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