ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
