Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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