I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
