not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize