I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize