so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
