??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
