Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
