i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
