At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
