I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
