dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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