apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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