I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
