Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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