I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
