I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
