Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
