Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
