He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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