Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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