I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
