i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
