Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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