So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
