i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
