I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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