ya dads aren't the best wingmen
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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