So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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