Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
